It was the first Sunday in May after being in quarantine for two months when it occurred to me that I hadn’t gotten my period. I had a little spotting like I do with all of my pregnancies during implantation but then realized nothing else ever came. I don’t know about you but during quarantine I didn’t know what day it was, what month it was, what year was it again?!? So I sort of started to panic. Could I possibly be 40 and pregnant without even trying?
I ran upstairs and dug out an old pregnancy test I had for the endless months that I would have a negative test when I was trying to get pregnant. Joey was over a year and Caroline seemed like right away after 6 months of trying. Sure enough I took the test and it was as clear as day. A positive. So my husband ran to cvs because he was in utter disbelief just like me and got two more of the fancy ones that either say “yes” or “no” because at some point you can actually convince yourself that the second line is too faint and really isn’t there even though it definitely is. Two more test with “yes”. The two of us stood in the kitchen in utter disbelief. Are we starting all over again?
Let me say this, I have always wanted a big family but after having Joey and having a serious case of postpartum, I thought the most I could probably handle was 3. Everyone thinks motherhood is easy until you actually become a mom. So with Caroline going off to kindergarten and things like diapers, bottles, pacifiers being something of a distant memory, I thought I’m finally going to have my life back. Who knows maybe I would go back to work, travel, lunch, get regular manicures….the world was my oyster. And on that Sunday in May, it all changed. We were having another baby and starting all over again.
I called my OBGYN the next day and went in the following week for my first ultrasound and like always I was so nervous. My husband came with us and we sat in our masks and waited anxiously for the dr. It is funny how you don’t know how much you want something until you actually have it and as I sat there I knew I wanted this healthy beautiful baby to complete our family. Then the dr came in and explained how over 40 patients have a higher risk for miscarriages and asked if I had any bleeding or cramping. Then we did the ultrasound and the sound of that little heartbeat will always bring tears to my eyes, chills down my spine and make my heart fill up with so much love because in that moment, I knew how much joy this little angel was going to bring to my life.
So we went home with our picture of our little peanut and showed the kids that this is their baby brother or sister. It’s so different this time around because my kids are older, they have opinions and can articulate their feelings. I was so nervous that Caroline was going to be upset because she loves being the baby. They were both excited but I don’t think they fully understood. They asked why my belly wasn’t big, why did it look so weird in the picture and when was it coming. Joey said he wanted a brother to play video games with and Caroline said she wanted a sister that she could dress up so I thought it would fun this time to find out the gender of the baby. We were surprised with the last two and it was the greatest thing but I thought this would be a good way to involve the kids and prepare them for what is to come because one of them was going to be disappointed.
At 11 weeks we found out the gender and on Father’s Day we did a cake reveal with our family. It’s funny how I have been pregnant with a boy and a girl and at the time couldn’t differentiate between how different the two were but being pregnant the third time, I was 90% sure I new what it was. We cut the cake and pink shined through. A girl, a sister. Joey was disappointed (nothing that extra time playing Roblox couldn’t cure) but I think he felt like Caroline got something that he didn’t and I get that.
Growing up it was just my brother and me and while I love him so much, I always wanted a sister so I’m so happy Caroline will have one. After all she will only be 5 years older than the baby versus Joey who will be 8.
Our little girl is due the first week of January and we are ready for all the chaos to begin. I’m training Caroline to be the nanny and she’s super excited to have the job. This little baby is already so loved and I feel so blessed to have an opportunity to do it all over again. Joey told me yesterday that I should have another baby after this one because maybe it would be a boy. I told him the shop is closed. After all he will be the king, the little prince of the family and it’s his job to protect the baby. He loved that. I think the best part of all of this, is going to be watching my kids love this baby so much. She is already so lucky.
